


Don't Fix What's Broken

by staytrashy



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 7x23 'Survival of the Fittest', Angst, Birthday Present for Honey Tot (aka wisepuma23), Emotional Hurt, Everything Is Twisted Up, Gen, Hunter!Castiel, Hunter!Gabriel, angel!dean, art is in the thing too, reverse!verse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-11
Updated: 2015-01-11
Packaged: 2018-03-06 13:58:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3136952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/staytrashy/pseuds/staytrashy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Reverse!verse of 7x23 'Survival of the Fittest'</p><p>Cas yells at Dean and he's forced to go make amends with the mentally off angel. But only Cas never actually gets around to apologizing when they chat.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Fix What's Broken

**Author's Note:**

  * For [wisepuma23](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wisepuma23/gifts).



> Happy Birthday, Honey Tot. Here's a drabble from the reverse!verse headcannons we gush on about. It may be horrible though, because I gave a fudge.
> 
> Sorry it wasn't Michael!Dean. And we first really talked to each other with angst, so I thought it would mean a lot if you were given angst.
> 
> I love you, and that's a rock fact.

Cas crossed his arms as silence took over the messy cabin.

Everyone, everyone meaning the only two other people, held baited breaths and were staring at him as if Cas had done some horrific deed and shit was about to hit the fan. But no yelling or screaming or fighting replied back to Cas's _statements_ , for Dean picked up the hoops for his Twister Rave game and left while muttering something about how the place truly did need a dog. 

Cas inhaled a deep breath and tried not to 'freak out' even more. He had just been so _done_. So much was on their plate at the moment, and they didn't have time for an unhelpful angel who refused to take a side. They were planning to kill the big bad leviathan boss Dick Roman, Balth had tried to pull a 'haha, still useful after death!' stunt and almost rode the motel maid into SucroCrop, and they weren't sure if the bottle of blood Crowley gave them was actually his. There was just too many important things piled up on the table for him at the current moment, and he didn't have time to coddle his friend.

He looked towards the shorter man sitting next to a bag of M&M's, munching almost excitedly on them like movie popcorn. Cas had been hoping he would back him up and tell him would he had done was justified, but by the way Gabe ate the candy like some sort of big fight was going to go down, it was obvious he would be no help.

"Way to go, little brother," Gabe piped up and smirked over his M&M packet. He gave him a wink. "You just chased away the only being that could determine whether or not we win this thing."

Cas practically bristled. "He wasn't going to help in the first place," he said as he adjusted the falling cuff of his shirt. "Dean wouldn't have told us anything again."

"The reincarnation of Gluttony here is right," the woman,  _demon_ , behind him spoke up, which earned a muffled ' _excuse you_ ' from his brother. Cas didn't even bother to turn around, trying to send out 'no, I really don't want your opinion' vibes with his hunched shoulders, but the blonde demon didn't seem to notice or care. "Maybe if you hadn't yelled at him, the angel would have at least told us something."

Cas looked away from his accusators and stared determinedly at the whiskey glass on the table. He hadn't meant to yell, he really hadn't. But he had and Dean had ran away again. And wasn't that just it, the worst part. Dean had just disappeared. Disappeared without a fight and went off to probably consult more weeds about their evil doings to other plants.

So Cas had yelled at him and maybe some angry and bitter part of him had wanted Dean to fight back. To show some of that divine wrath and glory that was ever present before. He wanted Dean to maybe even make all their light bulbs burst, from anger and not from a 'pull my finger' joke. Some part of him wanted Dean to grit out 'I raised you outta Hell, I can throw you back in' and suddenly be _him_ again. So they could kill Dick together with his help, and hopefully even find one of Dean's more closer brother alive in the leviathans' version of a jail.

The words Cas had exploded upon Dean vibrated non stop in his head ' _Nobody cares that you're broken, Dean_ ' as Gabe decide to make things worse. "Come on, Cassie, yelling was a bit unnecessary. Dean was trying the best that he could. I mean, he made us some damn burgers to keep our strength up, how helpful was that? Right, Jo?"

"Yep," she drawled, and Cas was close to clenching his jaw. The demon always picked the winning side, and gaining up against him, the sure loser of the conversation that was starting, was as natural as breathing for her.

"See?" Cas didn't even have to look at his brother to see if there was a mocking smile on his face, he could _hear_ it. "Even the hellspawn thinks I'm right. Where did he get the cheese? From Denmark, right? And the wheat from Egypt?"

"Don't forget he comforted the cow before he slaughtered it for his burgers," Jo, once again, so unhelpful.

"Can you guys please forget about the burgers?" Cas groaned as he turned around so he could see both of them. With both his older brother and a demon both ganging up on him, he wasn't so sure he wanted his back to them.

Jo gave a wave as she leaned back against the wall. "We were just stalling for you," she said as she ran a hand through her hair with a certain, mischievous glint in her eyes. "Waitin' for you to figure out what you're gonna say to the angel when you go after him."

"P- _Pardon_?" Cas sputtered. Jo wanted him to go talk to him? Did she not see a lost cause when she saw one? And because she could was the reason why she was siding with Gabe? And that it was _him_ who made Dean flee in the first place? "Why myself? Don't you think you'd be the better option? You know with the whole," Cas gestured back and forth between her and the door as he tried to ignore the furious, interested chewing of his brother.

The blonde woman rolled her eyes. "He was your boyfriend first. And of course you have to go apologize," she held up her hand palm up and gestured back at him, "Plus for some reason, all of _that_ can keep him more focused and in control than I can," Cas knew there was a sexual innuendo in there, he just knew it, "If I go out there he might get distracted and fly both him and me to Alaska to keep apologizing to the owls."

"Why's he apologizin' to the birds?" Gabe asked.

Cas sighed and ran a hand through his already messed up hair. "Because he gave the stink eye to one, remember, all that time ago? Now he thinks that if he-' He paused and frowned. "We're getting off track. Anyways, I am not positive me speaking to Dean would be the most brightest idea."

Jo's face twisted as she snorted. "Come on, hot shot. You're the only one who can really get him to talk without spewing into speeches about the old treatment of horses in the glue factories-" At Cas's lifted eyebrow she amended, "Well, without as much extra dialogue as he would try to mix in if we tried."

Gabe rolled his eyes heavenward and threw a green M&M at him, and Cas was too shocked to move quick enough.

Cas jumped when it nailed him in the earlobe, leaving a surprisingly painful sting on his ear. "Gabe?" Cas said, betrayed, as he rubbed his ear. Now he actually had to listen to the duo. When his brother started throwing candy, it meant business. Luckily it was M&M's this time rather than, say, a Butterfinger.

"Just go, little bro," Gabe pointed towards the cabin's door before looking forlornly at the ground and at the candy he had sacrificed. "Looney Head's probably out there talking to the grass again. Go get 'em, bucko, and quick before the grass says something rude and Dean doesn't wanna talk to it anymore and runs away."

They both looked at him, waiting, and it was in that moment Cas truly understood the intense disappointment of a sea captain when his crew committed mutiny. They were feeding him to the wolves, or technically 'wolf' with Dean being singular and without hundreds of souls in him like once before. The problem was that they truly expected him to come back with great news, and Cas knew he would let them down.

He had tried this before and failed.

"I will talk to him," Cas relented, and Jo gave him a satisfied smirk. Probably because she wouldn't have to be doing the work of keeping an angel with the attention span of a two year old on track. Cas squinted at the two. However, he must warn them. "But do not get your hopes up."

Gabe gave him a salute with one certain finger. "Aye aye, capt'n. Remember to apologize for being an asshat."

"Good luck," Jo tried to encourage, and though it ended up sounding more sarcastic then sincere, Cas knew she really meant it because it lacked an elaborate yet ego-crushing nickname to the end of the phrase.

Cas nodded before making his way out of the cabin. He tried looking for something that perhaps he could give to Dean to help apologize, but much to his exasperation, couldn't find anything. Unless the angel wanted booze or some of Gabe's 'secret' stash of candy.

And that thought almost sent a literal pang of hurt in Cas's chest. Because if Dean was _Dean_ , he would. He would want the booze and candy.

The angel would have jump at the chance to drink more Jack Daniels and binge himself on his brother's Twix bars. If a Dean hadn't been an angel and without the ability to do away with all the artery blocking plaque, then he would have had a coronary years ago. Cas remembered the time during the very beginning with Dean one of his brothers, Samuel-Please-Call-Me-Sam. Dean had been so enraptured with the chemical filled powder taste of Smarties while Sam had grimaced and muttered, 'taste like atoms'.

Cas's grip on the doorknob tightened until his knuckles were starting to turn white and the two people behind him were giving each other confused glances.

Dean wouldn't want the candy or the alcohol now. They had all been shocked when Dean refused a simple can of beer while saying 'Do you know how much pain those wheat grains were in to make that beverage?', and Gabe had almost had his own heart attack when Dean, his Gorge-Ourselves-With-Sugar Buddy, turned down a box of Junior Mints. Gabe had given Dean side eyes of distrust for hours afterwards.

Even Sam had been surprised and concerned. Well, he's been surprised after he nearly bashed all their heads in while shouting questions, apparently rhetorical as he learned, about what they did to his brother. They barely had the courage to tell the being that Dean was messed up in the head because he had saved Gabe to prove himself. But they did and Sam seemed close to smiting them as he growled curses at them and how the Novaks hurt everyone they came in contact with.

Gritting his teeth, Cas opened the door and stepped out. He didn't know what was going on in Gabe and Jo's heads. Dean, if he wasn't hurt or angry at Cas's yelling, would deflect all the questions and pleads of help with clever trivia questions of his own. Cas knew wouldn't be able to get his best friend's support, and he would be forced to watch as Dean acted like something lower than what he was.

Cas shoved his hands into his trench coat's pockets angrily, as if taking his frustration out on the clothing would help soothe the bitter, pulsing crack in him. As well get the conversation over with. He hopped off the path, heading to the back of the property, and into the wet grass, suddenly grateful he always kept his boots on.

He looked around almost spitefully at the surrounding nature, as if it was their own fault that Dean was this way. He couldn't 'enjoy' it like Dean did. He didn't see the beauty of creation that the angel saw in everything, especially now after his head was all jumbled up. Dean would spend hours outside with endless patience as he followed the ants back to their secret hills or his favorite, the butterflies. Dean had tried to describe the beauty of the butterflies to him once, but Cas had been busying gathering the items to summon Crowley, and hadn't listened.

And sometimes when Dean would go missing for hours to watch his little flying insects, Cas would really wished he had so he could just _understand_

Dean was easy to find, but it wasn't like he was trying to hide. The angel was laying on his stomach on the trunk of the fallen tree, staring intently at the leaves. He was poking at something in the branches which's leaves were somehow still green and brilliant with life, even though half of the tree's roots were freed above ground. Dean had gotten his white scrubs all muddy with dirt again, but at least his red leather jacket seemed clean.

And for a moment the hunter stopped and stared as he let a strong sense of wrong take over him while he watched the freckle-faced angel.

Memories of Dean before he took on Gabe's crazy ran rapid in Cas's mind. Memories of the angel smiting demons with a booming laugh as raw glory seemed to seep from his vessel's very pores (No glory seeped from Dean now), of the angel flashing the massive shadows of his wings against the barn's walls with an 'I know right?' look on his face (What did his wings currently look like? Were they droopy with patches of missing feathers?). Times of when Dean used to be so _mighty_ (Dean's most glorifying deed now was when he helped a duck cross the road just two days ago). When he followed his Father like the good soldier he was before learning that yes, he did have a choice (Dean practically did everything he was told to do now, except help them of course). Times where Dean would come up with the most brilliant of battle strategies, even if just for a simple salt-and-burn (' _No, I don't fight anymore, Cas. I watch the butterflies_ ').

As cheesy as it sounded, sadness seemed to make the world turn a little slower as Cas watched. This is what a multidimensional wavelength of celestial intent had become, and all because of Cas himself. If only he had been more forgiving to the angel. He broke a holy being that used to caress stars in his hands and slay people by the millions in a single second. He turned something so pure and righteous into a chipped toy solider.

This was the same being that had walked - _strutted more likely_ \- into the barn, not even blinking as he and Balth shot loads into him, marched straight up to Cas, looked straight into him with a eyes that had lived through everything, and declared, ' _I'm the one who hauled your ass outta Hell. You're welcome_ '.

And now when Dean would have been helping them scheme to finally take down Dick and rescue his brother, he was getting dirty and playing with leaves.

Cas was going to go to Hell. Again. And the only angel he trusted to get him out again would rather list of the ingredients to the perfect corn dog recipe and then proceed to bash the ingredients than help him.

When Cas decided he had enough time to wallow in misery on behalf of himself and Dean, he cleared his throat. "Dean? What are you doing?" He tried to go for curious and not like a mother scolding her child for playing in the mud.

Dean's head snapped towards him, shocked -Cas was determined not to think about how if Dean was normal, he would have known Cas was coming as soon as he left the cabin. The angel kicked up his feet and looked at him with a giant grin that was somehow just all wrong. That grin was reserved for puns and Dean's own jokes, never for Cas.

"Cas!" He called and gave his head a little jerk back, signaling for Cas to come closer. "I found a Hickory Horned Devil in this _quercus robur_ tree," the angel said as he peered back into the leaves. Cas couldn't see anything. "I named him Michael."

Cas winced against his will, and he truly looked at Dean. The green eyes that were once so bright, with literal grace, and sharp had now dulled into a flatter green in a more unnerving way than he wanted to admit. Cas was always trying to tell how far off Dean was in his own little world, but could never get a good reading. Sometimes on the bad days Dean's eyes would grow misty and detached, as if he was seeing things in the past, present, or even future that Cas could never hope of seeing. He could be thinking anything from re-watching stars burn out to planning a burglary at the nearest animal testing center, and Cas would never have a clue. He would be lying it he said it didn't worry him, because now it was just always a crap shot with the angel.

Plastering on a small smile and curious of just exactly how there Dean was, Cas asked a question that had been bothering him for weeks, "Speaking of Michael, is he still in there, Dean?"

The angel didn't respond, instead he just moved a branch out of his way. It took a few seconds before he muttered, "I told you I don't like being interrogated when I've done nothing to disturb the police force," Suddenly Dean stiffened, and Cas nearly jumped. Any sudden movements worried him. "No," he growled out and snapped the branch back in place. He looked at Cas and saw through the hunter and behind him. "Screw the police."

"Dean," Cas had come into this prepared with everlasting patience. He stepped towards the man and crouched right by the tree, trying to get Dean's gaze back to focus him again. "Is Mr. Winchester still in there? Does he know what has happened to you?" He tried again.

Dean's eyes lost some of that distance as they refocused on Cas. But the hunter still hated it, because in exchange to refocusing, the green eyes seemed to dim even more. "No. Mr. Michael Winchester has left the building." Dean stated flatly, and Cas's voice caught. "The police are raiding his house and destroying it," And just like that his eyes cleared up. "Power truly corrupts."

Cas wanted to cry. For Michael or Dean he didn't know. "How is that tree still alive, Dean?" Cas asked instead as he absentmindedly ran his hand down its rough bark next to Dean's side. He squinted at it before looking up at Dean, who was innocently moving the branches back again. "Are you keeping this tree alive? Dean?" Ever since Dean's mind... _busted_ , Cas has found himself saying the fallen angel's four times more than normal when he speaks to him. Like he's trying to real back his friend from the fog of insanity he frequently visits with his name. It sometimes worked, sometimes not. Maybe because it wasn't his real name.

"I visit _quercus robur_ everyday," Dean said airily.

Cas had to close his eyes and swallow the lump that had been growing in his throat before he could speak again. "Dean," he had to cough again because his voice had been a bit shaky. "You know you should not be using your grace like you have an unlimted supply of it. You need to save it, just in case something goes wrong and... and you turn towards the worst." But of course the angel wouldn't listen to him. When did he even before?

Dean shook his head harshly, not bothering to look at Cas when he said, "This tree is my friend," And Cas could see the glint in the angel's eyes. He could see that familiar, stubborn glint that said 'I am an angel of the motherfriggin' Lord, you ass, I do what I want'. The look that showed that not even God Himself could move that unbearable, stubborn mountain of a celestial being. Well, God Himself couldn't move after Dean 'fell' from Him.

And now that same stubbornness was being used when Dean was defending himself for keeping a fallen tree alive.

Dean changed subjects. "Look at this, come look at Michael." He looked at him expectantly as he lifted up a branch a little higher.

Cas straightened up and scooted as close to the tree as he could, but Dean ending up sliding off the tree anyways so they could both lean in together. Cas tried to ignore the way the branches clawed at him as he got in close.

One of Dean's freckled hands pushed the branch more for him, and Cas was shocked to see a fat, _huge_ green caterpillar with devil-like horns coming up from one fourth of its body behind its head. It had to be five inches long. Maybe more, and an inch and a half thick. This was the sorta thing he expected children's nightmares were filled with. However, it seemed to be much more interested in the oak leaf it was munching away at then murdering Cas with one of its spikes.

"This is Michael," Dean said fondly as a small, peaceful smile curved up his lip. "He's about to travel down this tree and into the ground to pupate. That is why this tree must be alive. So he can eat his last supper in before crawling down. He's gonna become such a pretty moth," The angel seemed to want to touch him and his hand strayed forwards, but he quickly pulled back. "We must not disturb the little fella." Dean held up his palm and stared at it while flexing his fingers. "He won't be a little fella then. His wingspan will be bigger than my palm."

A sigh escaped Cas. Dean was using up his maybe limited angel grace to help a caterpillar; a moth caterpillar, not even a butterfly. It was exasperating yet bittersweet, and he didn't know how to feel once again.

"He's such a little, mindless thing," Dean's voice softened. "All he knows is how to eat and sleep and clean out his bowels. That's all he does for days, weeks. The same cycle over and over again, shedding its outer skin and becoming something greater when his mass becomes too much-"

Cas froze Dean's voice took on a dreamy quality.

"-He doesn't know any better. Doesn't know that what he was created for is all for nothing. Doesn't know that his short life won't accomplish anything. He'll probably be devoured by the stronger creatures of the earth."

"Dean," Cas said slowly. He didn't dare try to wave his hand in front of his friend's face in case it would make him snap. "Dean? Who exactly are we talking about now?"

The angel's gaze had began drifting away along with his mind until Dean was staring emptily at the fat caterpillar. "One little moth can't save the world," He whispered.

He couldn't take this anymore.

Cas waited with eyes that stung with tears that would not fall. He couldn't help or do anything but watch Dean slip off the plane reality. Watch as his eyes grew misty and what made him who he was slip away once again. This mighty warrior that brought down plagues and roasted cities had become nothing but a pile of shattered glass.

All his fault. It was always Cas's fault now, wasn't it? When would he ever not be a complete-

"I can still see you," Dean whispered.

" _Dammit_!" Cas stumbled and nearly fell but flung out his arm and grabbed a branch to stop his fall in time. He stood there gaping at the angel and his completely sudden dialogue. He was going to immediately retort back 'you aren't supposed to talk', but thankfully it caught in his throat.

Dean's eyes were still far away when he spoke, not to Cas, but still at Michael the moth caterpillar. "I can see your looks of pity, I always see them." A corner of the angel's lip turned down. "You don't trust me anymore."

Cas did his best interpretation of fish out of water that kept continuously gulping in air.

Dean turned to look at him then, and Cas experienced the same amount of paralyzing fear that he had when he was losing a fight in Purgatory. Dean's eyes held no life in them, but his face was frowning in sadness. "You think I'm broken."

The start of an excuse came immediately "No, I..." But Cas stopped, because it would have been a lie.

 _Broken_. Wasnt that what he had been referring Dean to this entire time in his head? Wasn't that what he had yelled at Dean?

"I mess everything up. I even messed up what game we should have played. I should have known you were more of a Twister than Twister Rave type of human," the angel muttered as he looked back towards the bug. "So I can't mess Michael up. Not this time."

"You're..." But again he couldn't finish. Why lie anyways? He was sick of all the lies.

This wasn't how this conversation was suppose to go.

Cas had came out here in the first place to apologize and grill him for information. But instead he had gotten off track by a tiny fat insect and learned that Dean _knew_ what Cas thought of him all along. Knew what everyone thought of him. And now the angel was protecting a tiny caterpillar in hopes to make everything right with the man whose body he had borrowed and then taken.

The hunter walked backwards a few steps, giving his friend more room. He couldn't ask him now. Dean had fallen into one of his episodes anyways. Even though the angel was more responsive, any word might throw him off, and Cas couldn't risk that. Couldn't risk his friend's sanity any more. Or maybe he was too afraid to hear what Dean might say if Cas triggered something in him.

He had to leave while he could. Just tell Jo and Gabe that he couldn't get the angel to tell him anything. He would try again later, maybe get Dean to fly them someplace on an errand and perhaps talk to him then. But not right now. Now he would come back to the cabin to be met with an air of disappointment.

Slowly taking some more steps back, Cas wearily kept his eyes on Dean, who was still looking at but seeing through the caterpillar. He turned around and tried not to go into a jog to get away faster, because Dean was scaring him. He wasn't suppose to be aware, he was suppose to be mindless and off centered.

Dean wasn't suppose to really comprehend he was broken. Especially when Cas couldn't tell him that he wasn't.

So he would flee like the coward he was. As Cas walked away and stepped over some roots, he heard the angel softly murmuring behind him, "I watch the butterflies, Michael," But then Dean's voice changed, became more shakier, "I'll watch over you."

Keeping gaze stuck on the forest ground, Cas gritted his teeth and didn't look back.

The last sentence hadn't been addressed to Michael.

**Author's Note:**

> *whipsers*Dean is on a _boken/cracked_ platter on which he gave the burgers on. 
> 
> Once again, Happy Birthday uwu


End file.
